


Hopes Lost And Found

by GothicPrincessWitch



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dragon Age Quest: Night Terrors, M/M, post break up feels, takes place about two months after That Night between Hawke and Fenris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 07:39:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12526324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothicPrincessWitch/pseuds/GothicPrincessWitch
Summary: Feynriel has fallen into a nightmare plagued by demons, and Hawke has traveled into the Fade to try to save him. Fenris has no desire to enter the Fade, but he’s willing to follow Hawke anywhere, despite the bit of awkwardness between them after the one night they shared together. But the Fade contains demons offering temptations.What if Fenris were tempted by the desire demon instead of the pride demon?





	Hopes Lost And Found

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out and thank you to my lovely friend theoxfordcommando who inspired this drabble! I hope you enjoy! ❤️

Everything feels different in the Fade. Wrong. Accursed magic surrounds him, prickling over his skin, making his lyrium sting unpleasantly, and he can’t escape it. The magic violates him even as he breathes in the air. Or what passes for air in this Maker-forsaken dream.

Fight the demons and save the boy, if they can, or kill him if they can’t, is Hawke’s plan. Fenris isn’t convinced of the validity of this plan, for surely going to the Gallows and killing the dreamer’s body where he lay in the physical realm would be far less risky to all of them, Feynriel included. But Fenris trusts Hawke, so he is here at his side, as promised.

That promise is everything to Fenris, that he remains at Hawke’s side. Even though they both want more, even though they both want each other, their friendship has held strong — perhaps not unscathed, but it’s valuable enough to them both that they’ve clung to it tightly. Thus Fenris has continued following Hawke, even here into the Fade.

Hawke slays the sloth demon that approaches them without hesitation and without one of his usual witty quips. There’s a dangerously grim look on his face, and it makes Fenris yearn for Hawke’s usual smile.

They encounter the boy in a childhood dream about his father, and an unbidden thought flickers in Fenris’s mind, a brief speculation as to whether he once spent time with a father like this. But that wistful notion of what might have been vanishes as the illusion gives way to reveal the desire demon controlling it.

Incensed, the demon sneers at Hawke. Fenris’s grip tightens around the hilt of his greatsword. To the side of him, Isabela is ogling the demon’s pierced nipples.

“I was trying to help,” Hawke says snidely, though his daggers are already in hand.

“Take away my pets, and I’ll take away yours. How loyal are these friends you drag into the Fade?” says the desire demon simperingly.

Fenris bristles at that, at being called Hawke’s pet. Beside him, Hawke’s expression has turned murderous, with thunder in his golden eyes.

But then, the demon’s abyss-black eyes — no, dark with lust and longing — lock onto Fenris’s, and he finds himself immobilized (captive), unable to tear his gaze away.

“Don’t you want your memories back?” the desire demon cajoles. It surprises him how sensuous and soothing her voice sounds, like the promise of sleep at the end of a long day. “Don’t you want to know your name? Your family?”

“My family?” The words have escaped his mouth before he even realizes it.

“You had a family once. I can give them to you,” she purrs.

Fenris’s breath catches in his chest as a spring of hope unfurls within him. Everything he truly ever wanted: a life, a family, a place of belonging, his memories, the confirmation that he was once someone else, that he used to be something more than a slave or a pet, that there is a piece of himself that was free and that he can reclaim and become again... He nearly had that. He nearly had all of it that night with Hawke, but it was all ripped from him, leaving him broken and alone again. And now, to have it all just barely within his reach once more...

Vaguely he is aware of Hawke speaking to him, but he can’t make out the words. He can’t focus on anything but the promise of hope — of a loving family, of the rest of himself — gleaming in the demon’s dark eyes.

Fenris only needs to reach out with and grasp his most cherished dreams, and they’ll come true.

So he does.

Then everything blurs and fades.

=====

With a gasp, choking for breath, Fenris awakens in Arianni’s hovel within the alienage. It takes him a moment to realize, to remember— His heart freezes in his chest. Oh no.

He can recall flashes of what happened. Turning his blade on Hawke. Attacking Hawke. The desire demon laughing. Hawks attempting to evade his greatsword while pleading with him.

Fear flashing through Fenris, he turns to check on Hawke beside him, but Hawke appears to be unharmed. Still in a trance, like Aveline and Isabela, but unharmed. The relief Fenris feels soon turns to horror.

He betrayed he man he lov— cares very deeply for.

Just like he turned on the Fog Warriors.

Sickened to his core, Fenris fights the rising nausea within him. How could he do this? How could he hurt Hawke like this? And Aveline and Isabela, he fought and hurt them as well.

The two Dalish women are watching him with sympathy painted upon their faces, and he turns away. He doesn’t want their pity. All he wants is to undo his betrayal. All he wants is for Hawke to be alright. Even if Hawke never forgives him for this, so long as he is alright, that is all that matters.

Then Fenris remembers the demon’s offer, and it hurts like a slap. He flinches bodily. Twice now. Twice his memories, his old life, his family, and his unbroken self have been within his grasp, and twice now he’s lost them, only to be more broken than he ever was before.

And now he has most likely broken everything he shares with Hawke...

=====

After an agonizingly long wait, which Fenris spends impatiently pacing, Hawke, Aveline, and Isabela awaken at last. His fists clenched and trembling at his sides, Fenris keeps his head lowered, but his eyes look up worriedly through his fringe of white hair at Hawke.

Hawke refuses to look at Arianni or at anyone, his gaze glued to the floor, as he announces ruefully, “Feynriel is Tranquil. I’m sorry.”

It hurts Fenris, cuts him to the heart, to see Hawke in so much pain, and he has to fight to urge to go to Hawke and comfort him. He’s given up the right to comfort Hawke, between leaving him and his betrayal.

As heartbroken Arianni sobs and runs from the room, Hawke’s gaze meets his, piercing golden eyes burning into him, and the pain in Hawke’s face transforms into concern. “Fenris, are you alright?” he asks, his voice soft and gentle.

“I must apologize for my actions,” murmurs Fenris, unable to maintain eye contact. His face and ears burn red with shame. “I failed you.”

“I don’t blame you,” says Hawke in that same gentle tone. His hand reaches for Fenris and then stops, and they both stare at it for a moment until Hawke lowers his arm back to his side. “You... I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“You’re sorry?”

“I am. And I forgive you for what happened. I can’t exactly beat the deal the demon gave you, can I?” Hawke’s attempt at a cavalier smile is strained, but the corner of Fenris’s mouth lifts in a returning half-smile, while waves of relief crash throughout him, along with a seedling of hope planting itself in his chest.

Hawke isn’t asking him to leave...

“I remain at your side,” Fenris murmurs softly enough that only he and Hawke can hear.

“And I at yours,” responds Hawke.


End file.
